What if?
by Smudge20
Summary: Set just after 1x10 when Amy confesses her love to Karma. Karma feels guilty that she can't feel that way about Amy and Amy struggles to deal with her unrequited love for Karma. When tragedy strikes and they both get offered a clean slate what will they do?
1. Chapter 1

Karma's POV

"I love you." The words painfully slipped out of her mouth as the tears ran down her cheeks. I felt terrible.

"I love you too Amy- more than anyone else on this earth, just not like that." I could almost hear our hearts shatter, neither of us could recover from this. Would our friendship survive? We'd been best friends for longer than I could remember, we'd done everything together. Why did she have to go and complicate things?

It's been three days since Amy told me how she felt and we still hadn't spoken. I'd suspected it for a while but I honestly thought I'd been imagining it. She would get insanely jealous whenever I wanted to spend time with Liam. She started looking at me differently. Honestly I'm flattered but I just couldn't think of Amy like that, we'd been through too much. After all, I love Liam, right? My head's a mess but I have other things to worry about, today had to be perfect, today was my big audition.

My school is doing a production of the musical Wicked, it's always been my dream to play Glinda, the star of the show, I smiled at the thought, swallowed the last of my warm honey and lemon drink and set off for school. It was a hot day and the sun was shining so I thought I'd walk rather than get on a stuff bus for half an hour with rowdy people from my school. It had nothing to do with knowing that Amy would be on that bus.

I hadn't planned on avoiding Amy but as soon as I saw her walking down the hallway I had to go to the bathroom, when we had English I had a migraine so I had to go to the nurses office and at lunch time I was rehearsing in the choir room. Admittedly none of those things prevented me from speaking to her, I just didn't know what to say to her anymore, I didn't want to upset her any further.

"Karma!" My head instinctively turned round at the sound of my name, her eyes locked on to mine instantly. Amy. I smiled, it was good to see her. I'm glad she's doing okay. I felt more and more nervous at the thought of talking to her and I didn't know why.

I knew the smile on her face was lying; her eyes gave it away.

"Hi, you weren't in English this morning so I was worried." She was prentending everything was normal, I was grateful for this but it didn't change anything, I still didn't know how to speak to her or be around her anymore.

"Oh yeah, I had a headache so I went to the nurses office." I wasn't avoiding you, I should have said. But I didn't. What an idiot.

"Oh right." She said, she knew I wasn't telling the whole truth. "It's your audition later isn't it? Well good luck, I'll see you around I guess." Amy's head hung low as she started walking away from me. Her blonde ponytail swaying ferociously with every step she took. It was only then I realised.

Amy never had her hair up. She never wore sweatpants for school. She never walked away from me like that. Like I hated her.

"Amy wait." I called after her but it was too late I blew it.

I was a terrible person. I'd spent the entire weekend trying to force myself to feel that way about her but it just didn't work. I hated myself.

I couldn't worry about that now my audition was in half an hour, I needed to focus. If I got this part maybe I could throw myself into school again and that would give me and Amy some well needed time apart. Damn it I was thinking about her again. I shook my head and began walking to the drama room.

Amy's POV

"Amy wait." Karma was calling after me, I couldn't turn around. I didn't need her sympathy right now. I'd had enough of it from Shane and my mum this weekend. I rested my head against my locker. How did I end up in such a mess?

I love Karma. She's my best friend in the whole world. But she's also so beautiful, her face is the only face I want to see and her voice the only voice I long to hear. I don't know how this happened but I'd fallen in love with my best friend.

Fuck.

I slammed the front door as I got in. Mum was cooking something in the kitchen I could hear Lauren's music pumping out from her bedroom.

"What's wrong sweetie? Did you and Karma not make up?" My mum said, although she was trying to be nice and act caring it was so patronising. I just looked at her. I knew if I opened my mouth I would scream. I was so angry. I slumped off to my room.

I've never really been an angry person, I was far more happy-go-lucky but these last few days I was furious. I didn't know who I was more angry at, myself or Karma. Probably myself. I could hardly bare to look at myself without getting angry over what I'd done. Why did I have to tell her, I couldn't just keep my mouth shut and wait for it all to blow over could I?

"You're so stupid." I told myself in the mirror. "You really screwed this up, Karma could never-" I stopped myself. I had to stop beating myself up about this. I turned to leave the bathroom. Lauren was loitering in the doorway. How long had she been there? Judging by the smirk on her face long enough.

"I don't what happened with you and Karma but I'm enjoying the aftermath." She said with a smug look on her face. Lauren was my evil step-sister. She'd never really done anything bad to me but she always wound me up usually I could take it on the chin and act like it didn't bother me but she'd caught me on a bad day and I couldn't hold it back anymore.

"Go to hell Lauren." I pushed her against the doorframe, I hated her.

I lay on my bed wondering what Karma was doing. Her audition would be over now. She's probably on her way home. There was once a time she'd come back to my house after big auditions. I shook the thought from my head. I had to stop.

I don't know how long I'd been asleep. It was happening a lot lately, I'd drop off for hours at a time and wake up completely disorientated. I picked up my phone to check the time.

7.42

3 missed calls from Karma

I rang her back. It just rang and rang. Come on Karma answer your phone, I willed her to pick up. I was so looking forward to hearing her voice.

My mum came in my room hovering near the end of my bed awkwardly. Looking at me like I was a patient on a mental ward.

"Amy darling, we need to talk." Her voice was soft, not patronising like it usually was.

"Not now mum, I'm trying to ring Karma." I was annoyed. My mum always chose the worst times to have little talks with me about Lauren. I'd had this conversation time and time again and it was always the same conclusion.

Her hand reached up and covered mine. "Put the phone down honey it's important."

I lowered my hand and hung up the phone, Ifelt a lump form in my throat and my palms had started sweating profusely. I thought the worst. I always did.

"Amy, Karma's been taken into the hospital-" I didn't hear anything else my mum said because I was already half way out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Karma's POV

I sat nervously waiting for my name to be called. I tried not to think about what had happened with Amy earlier in the hallway, I couldn't help but remember the distant sadness in her eyes. I shook my head I needed to stop torturing myself, this wasn't my fault. She probably doesn't even having feelings for me, she's probably confused, that happens when you're young right? Karma, I thought to myself, you need to stop it.

I started thinking of my audition, what it would mean to get this part. How proud Amy would be of me. There it was again Amy. She was consuming me; I couldn't think of anything but her, I hadn't even thought of Liam.

Liam was a beautiful boy in the year above that I'd fallen head over heels for. He was tall, dark, and handsome. We'd only ever properly spoken three times the rest of the time we just made out but there was a lot of spark there and I'm pretty sure today he looked at me and smiled from across the car park. He was having a birthday party at his house in two weeks and me and Amy had scored invitations thanks to her friendship with Shane. I smiled, I couldn't wait.

Shane was the school's resident gay boy, everyone loved Shane, he was funny and nice and he threw the best parties. Parties that up until recently Amy and I had been completely unaware of. Amy's locker was right next door to Shane's and one day I overheard him talking about his next party and I got the crazy idea of crashing the party. Since that night we were always on the exclusive guest list, Liam and I had been having secret make out sessions whenever we got the opportunity and Amy and Shane had been spending a lot of time together. Everyone was a winner.

I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about Shane and Amy's new found friendship, I guess that was elements of jealousy there. I wonder what that meant.

"Karma Ashcroft, would you like to come through please." Mr Cairns called me through, it's time, I can do this I just need to stop thinking about Amy. I had this in the bag, I'm sure of it.

I finished my song and looked at my judges expectantly. In the performing world they say that judges know whether or not they like you in the first ten seconds, the rest of your audition was just a formality. I wrung my fingers, I was nervous.

"Thanks Karma, we'll be in touch in the next week." Mr Cairns said with no indication as to how I'd done. I'd expected to find out today.

I held my head high as I walked out of school. I had to speak to someone about my audition, nervous ramblings to my parents always made me feel worse. I knew in my heart of hearts the only person that would make me feel relaxed was Amy.

Despite my better judgement I took out my phone to call her. No answer. I put my phone back in my bag. I'll go over there speak to her in person, I needed some Karmy time. Karmy is what our parents had referred to us as when we were little kids, we'd always been inseparable. I was smiling again; all of a sudden I couldn't wait to see Amy.

I called her again when I got on the bus. Still no answer. This wasn't like Amy. Perhaps she was ignoring me but again that didn't seem like a very Amy thing to do. I tried not to think anything of it; maybe she'd left her phone in her bag or something. I stared out the window planning exactly what I was going to say to Amy when I got there. She needed to know that our friendship was far more important to me than this stupid fight.

I got off the bus and saw Liam and Shane walking near Amy's estate. My heart fluttered. Liam's arms looked so good in his tight denim shirt; I wanted him to hold me with them. I started down the road acting like I hadn't noticed them but making sure they'd notice me.

"Oh hey, Karma!" I heard Shane shout as I was nearing the pavement. I stopped where I was and turned to wave. Shane was waving excitedly

"Hey Shane, hi Liam." I began to cross the road. Play it cool Karma. I focussed so hard on not falling over that I hardly noticed the car speeding toward me. In fact it was only when my head had hit the ground that I realised what had happened. I was fighting to keep my eyes open.

In the distance I could hear Shane and Liam shouting things but I couldn't make any of it out. I started to feel very cold and everything was growing darker.

All I could think of was Amy, she needed to know I was sorry.

"Amy..." I whispered. Everything went black.

Amy's POV

All kind of horrible thoughts rushed through my mind as I sat in the passenger seat waiting for my mum to drive me to the hospital. She'd told me as we'd got in the car that Karma had been involved in a hit and run. The car had been speeding and Karma was banged up pretty badly, she hadn't woken up yet. I had horrible images floating around my head; Karma covered in blood, her eyes wide open with fear as she realises what's happening. My heart twisted at the thought.

"Jesus! Can you not drive any faster!?" I shouted, I was getting so frustrated at my mum. Sure when she was going shopping or visiting grandma she would drive at 60 but when there's an actual emergency she's going at 45. "Put your foot down!"

"Amy sweetheart, I know you're anxious and worried about Karma but you need to calm down and stop shouting at me." I couldn't listen to this. I needed to make sure Karma was okay. I mentally noted that I needed to thank my mum for remaining calm later on. For now I said nothing and just willed time to go faster, I had to see Karma.

We pulled up to the hospital and mum let me out of the car while she parked the car. She didn't really have a choice; I opened the passenger door before she'd even got to a complete stop. I ran through reception like a mad woman. I slammed my hands down on the desk.

"Karma Ashcroft, where have you taken her?" I almost shouted at the short blonde woman, who looked no older than me, behind the desk.

"Are you family?" She spoke back to me in her stupid calm yoga instructor voice.

"No I'm not, I'm her best friend, tell me where she is!" It was only now that I realised I was crying. When I thought about it, I don't think I'd stopped crying since my mum had told me. The sobs wracked through my entire body. "You need to tell me where Karma is, I need to see her."

I felt a pair of arms grab hold of me and pull me into a hug, I thought it was my mum but this person was too short to be her. I recognised the scent though, Shane. Why was he here? I turned around and as soon as I saw his bloodshot eyes looking back at mine I broke down.

"Shane, what's going on?" I choked out between sobs.

We'd all been escorted to the family room by one of the nurses apparently we'd been making a scene and it was distressing some of the patients. We all sat there with cups of tea, there was me, my mum, Shane and Liam. At first I had no idea why Liam and Shane were there but they'd seen the accident happen. It was Liam who'd rang the ambulance.

No one had spoken in over half an hour, everyone was nervous and Karma's parents still hadn't made it. I looked over at Liam his eyes looked tortured. There was blood all over his denim shirt. I felt sick. My head felt dizzy. I had to get out of that stupid waiting room.

"That's right girl, get it all up." Shane said whilst simultaneously holding my hair and rubbing my back. It was a familiar scene; Shane often comforted me when I was being ill, usually under different circumstances though. I turned to face him.

"I love her Shane, so much; I don't know what I'll do without her." Shane had filled me in on everything that had happened since the accident.

"I know Amy, I know. Nothing's gonna happen to Karma, you need to stay positive that's the best thing you can do for her right now. Let's go and see if there's any news yet okay?" Shane wrapped his arm around my shoulder and walked me back to the family room. Liam had gone, I was quite relieved, it was so awkward being around him knowing how much Karma liked him. It should have been me.

Another hour passed and a doctor in surgical scrubs came in to tell us that Karma was out of theatre and that she should be coming round within the next few hours. Good news. She was gonna wake up soon. However the doctor also said that because Karma had suffered a head injury they had no idea what her brain would be like at this stage. Bad news.

The rational part of me worried for Karma's health, the selfish part of me prayed Karma would not remember me confessing my feelings for her, our friendship could go back to how it had once been. How could I be thinking of myself in a situation like this, no wonder Karma didn't reciprocate my feelings. I hated myself.

The door swung open and the tiny nurse from the reception poked her head round the door.

"Amy? Karma's awake and asking to see you."


End file.
